another heartbreaking phone call

"hey danny...we need your help."  

it's the broken voice of a friend through tears.

i'd like to say that this is the first time i've received this call.  but, unfortunately, it's not.  it's another family torn apart by the grips of addiction.

this time it was a young man who was drunk and in jail.

photo via

a few months ago it was a friend fighting a drug addiction.

a few months before that, a woman in jail on drug charges.

the common theme of all these family members and friends is this: what can i do?  how do i help them?

and, unfortunately, my answer is...you can't.  they have to want change.  it's hard to say that to people i care about.  they basically just have to "let go" of their loved one and hope (maybe even pray) that he/she will eventually hit "rock bottom" and desire change.  desire to quit.  desire to get sober.  desire to get clean.

if i've learned one thing in my life...it's that we all have the ability to change.  we all have the ability to turn our life around...and in my experience, it's best done through a loving relationship with god.

unfortunately, though, a lot of us have to go through some really painful things to get healthy and change. but “certain suffering tears down aspects of our character that need to be torn down and builds up new aspects that we need in order to live as we were designed to live" (cloud and townsend, how people grow).

i'm not an expert, but that's what it took in my life.  pain.  suffering.  rock bottom.

granted, my story is a little different: most didn't know i was struggling as much as i was struggling with the booze...but i tried to get help, i went to doctors, i went to group therapy, i took medication, i went to counselors...none of it made a long lasting difference until i finally hit rock bottom and made a decision: i needed help.  i wanted help.  i wanted a different life.

photo via

and let me tell you, rock bottom, is a horrible spot to be in.  but at the same time, it's the best spot to be in.  

it's horrible because i was 25, staring up the rock-face of a mountain called sobriety.  i thought there was no way i could even muster the strength to take one or two steps up the mountain...there was absolutely no way in the world i could stay sober for the rest of my life.  i was too young.

but rock bottom is the best place to be in because you can't get any lower.  and because i took one step...and then another...and another.  and here i am today, looking back down the mountain (though still far from the summit)...looking back at the mess i used to be...and, by god's grace, i stand here today grateful, humble, and sober.

for those of you reading who struggle with addictions: may you quit fighting those who you love so much...namely god...and take a small step up that mountain.  it's beyond worth it.  the view up there is far better then where you're at right now.  and may you have the courage to do it before you hit rock bottom.

and for those reading who have a loved one(s) struggling with addiction: may you have the courage to love...the courage to let go...and the courage to trust.

much love.

reflections from the mountain top

last week i went up into the mountains for a couple of days of rest.  it was marvelous.  i've never really been a huge fan of the mountains and hiking.  i'm not sure why.  but as i sat in the impressive forrest surrounded by rivers, mountains, trees, and animals i was overwhelmed with this thought:

"how could i ever doubt god?"  

it was awesome.  and now i love the mountains.  ha.

one day i rode a four wheeler up james peak.  a little ways up, i decided i'd park and hike up the mountain a little bit to get a better view.

i looked up the impressive mountain, picked a decent lookout spot, and started climbing.  as i climbed i talked with god out loud and sang some songs.  and i got to my spot.  it was beautiful.  i stopped for a few minutes to catch my breath and look around.  it was gorgeous.  

but i looked up and saw another spot that looked better.  so, i kept going.

(a lil video i shot up there...notice the striving and exhaustion, haha)

i got to that spot.  and it was beautiful.  but i saw another spot.  so i kept going.  and kept going.  eventually, i reached the summit.  and nearly killed myself (i had no water or food...sorry paula).  

and as i neared the summit of the mountain...it hit me.  this hike resembles a part of my life.  i work so hard to get to one spot...and then i see another...so i work hard to get there.  and i forget to bathe in the beauty of where i'm at...of where god has me right now.  and i forget to stop striving and trust god.    

this is kinda vague...so let me give an example from my life:

summit, james peak

when i was on the world race, i couldn't wait to get home and start seminary and my career in ministry.  it was a dream and i got there!

and now, a couple of years later, i'm striving for the next season: december...when i graduate seminary and continue my journey in ministry.

i'm forgetting to bathe in the moment of right now.  forgetting to look around and thank god for where he has me right now.  

or this hike can be similar to the comparison game i play a lot.  i strive so hard to be like someone else (richer, stronger, better...the list goes on and on) and when i get there...i realize there's someone else that's a bit higher...or a bit richer, or a bit skinner, or a bit stronger, or a bit whatever.

what if we just stopped?  looked around.  bathed in god's goodness.  and thanked him for where we are right now.  what if we stopped striving and stopped comparing?  how much better would our lives be?  how much more attentive to god would we be in our present situations?  how much more content would we be?  because, let's face it, god has blessed us each incredibly.  right where we are.  right now.

may we all stop striving and comparing.  may we each rest firmly in who we are and who god created us to be.  and may we be gentle with ourselves.  

much love.

a not so "straight" perspective on singleness

dan here.  my blog on singleness blew up way beyond my imagination.  when i wrote it i knew it wasn't all encompassing but didn't really care...and figured my other four readers didn't either.  i was wrong.  of the many areas i missed, two are: marriage doesn't "fix" life and the "calling" of singleness.

my new denver church co-worker and friend, stephen redden, posted a response blog "not single" which was fantastic.  it blew mine outta the water.  if you haven't, you should read it. 

i received an interesting comment on the blog from a dear and close friend (signed "another single christian brother").  my friend is attracted to guys, not women.  so, i invited him to blog on his unique views on singleness (below).  it's fantastic, i hope you'll read along. 

enjoy.  
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Singleness. I feel like everyone is talking about it, so I decided to join in on the conversation. I’ll admit though, I have a unique perspective on this issue. I am a Christian guy in my mid-20's who is not attracted to women – I am attracted to guys. Hear me out. I think I might offer a different view on the issues of singleness and marriage.

First, I firmly believe that marriage is designed by God to be between one man and one woman for life. Given my own situation, with a desire to be true to God’s word, I have chosen to live a life of purity. I’m not interested in “easy,” I’m interested in pleasing God. So really, I’m no different in that respect than what God expects of every person who is single. But, I feel like to many, maybe most people, "singleness" is considered just a waiting area where we can be happy and content but never truly fulfilled until that "special someone" comes into our life. Marriage is the goal, and that period of singleness is just part of the journey. But what if that is not the right perspective?

photo via

I can’t help but feel like marriage is a measure of success not only in our culture, but also in our churches. If you never get married you are looked at differently, thought of as weird, somehow considered “less than”. I believe that God created us as relational beings who want and need intimacy. One way that is fulfilled is through marriage. In fact, Jesus chose the occasion of a wedding to perform his first miracle. But even though marriage is a gift of God, can we really claim that marriage is a promise from God for all of us? Can we simply “walk through” our single lives waiting for God to fulfill a promise that he never really made?

I suggest that we broaden our view. Maybe we are first to live our lives married to Christ (Matt 6:33). Then if one day God brings a spouse into our life, that’s awesome; if he doesn’t then that’s awesome too. After all, Paul was never married, but who wouldn’t want the kind of walk with God that Paul experienced, living right smack in the middle of God’s will? If the measure of success is whether one gets married, then where does that leave someone like me who may never get married? What are my biblical options? Paul went so far as to claim that singleness actually can be a gift (1 Cor 7:7). So if you’re currently single let me challenge you not put so much pressure on yourself to find a spouse. If it’s your heart’s desire to be married, then be honest with God about it. If not, that’s cool too. God knows your heart. But I’m asking you to dare to pray bolder than that! Pray that you may know Christ in a deeper, more intimate way – that he may be the true desire of your heart (Psalms 42:1-2). And don’t merely pursue God to get what you desire. Purpose in your heart, and have the faith to believe, that whatever he desires for you will be your deepest source of fulfillment.

And if you’re married, remember your single brothers and sisters. When you got married you didn’t graduate to the “next level” of fellowship. While your spouse will always comes first – after all you are now one – God desires us to live in fellowship and community together as one body of believers in Christ without putting each other in categories like “singles” or “marrieds”. As a married couple, Pricilla and Aquila, partnered with a single guy, Paul. Likewise, let’s continue to strengthen and encourage each other on this journey of faith. We’re strongest when we are bound together pursuing a common purpose.

Sincerely – Another single Christian brother.

singleness

one of the coolest parts of working at new denver church is that i get to sit down and talk with a lotta young adults.  i love it.  there are a lot of things that we talk about: life, faith, singleness, jesus, singleness, work, singleness, and singleness (i'm only slightly exaggerating).

if i'm honest, i've done an okay job with my own singleness.  until recently.  i was talking to a friend the other day, matt patch, and we were talking about life as a 29 year old single guy.  he suggested that it's harder to be single now because we're both 29, staring the big 3-0 in the face.  i think he's right.

i think he's right for a lot of reasons: there's some societal pressures...some pressures from my friends/family (even if they're unspoken).  most crippling of all, though, are the pressures i put on myself.  after all, i'm 29...i should be married by now...i should be well on my way towards a house in the suburbs, with 2.3 children, and a white picket fence.  i should, i should, i should.    

and sometimes i beat myself up for wanting a relationship...like it's not something i should want.  

photo via

but a lot of us are like that.  sometimes it's hard being single.  if you're 18, it's hard.  if you're 39, it's hard.  single is single...and it's hard (again, sometimes).  and often times we beat ourselves up over it...we beat ourselves up for wanting a relationship.

but there's a reason for why it's hard.  there's a reason why we want a relationship.  i think it helps us understand what we were born for...because the bible tells us that we were born for intimacy.  we were born for intimacy with god, with others, and with ourselves.

we were born with this strong and innate desire for intimacy.  so, it's no wonder we single folk long to be in a significant relationship, right?  it's no wonder why married folk desire to have deep friendships.  it's biblical.  it's adam and eve.  it's our parents.  it's our friends.  it's all around us.

that said, it's in this longing for intimacy that many of us can turn to desperation and get in trouble.  we settle: we date someone we know we're not supposed to, we let the desire for intimacy encompass our thoughts, we turn to unhealthy dependancies with friends (same sex and opposite sex), we open the computer screen, we "act out" sexually...the list goes on and on.

but, as one of my favorite pastors says:

"purity paves the way to intimacy"

it's in our singleness that we have the ability to prepare ourselves for future intimacy.  instead of turning to unhealthy desperation, we have the ability to turn to healthy relationships, purity, and friends.  

and guess what?  it's okay to want to be in a relationship.  there's nothing wrong with it.  let's stop beating ourselves up for longing to be in an intimate relationship.  that's how god created us.  let's just embrace it, call it what it is, and move on.

so, as we walk through singleness together...let's stay pure and not get desperate.  and it's there that we'll find true intimacy...with god, with others, and with ourselves.  and pray that your future spouse is walking the same path.  

much love.

(this post inspired while listening to this song)

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##7/26 update##

wow, i've been floored by the popularity of this post...maybe i shoulda proof read it one more time or used caps.  oops.  thanks for reading and thanks for spreading the good word.

as i wrote this i recognized it didn't address the struggles that married folk face.  i'm alright with that.  i still love married folk but just didn't want this to be a 3 page blog.  and it's perfect because my friend and co-worker, stephen redden, just posted a response blog titled: "not single."  it's so good.  check it out.   

aurora shootings

i was up late last night.  i haven't been sleeping too well recently.

and last night, at about 2AM, i saw a news flash about the shooting via twitter.  being the nerdy former cop that i am, i turned on the police scanner and sat in disbelief as i heard aurora PD talk about the shooting.

the scene commander started asking for victim counts from each hospital.  10 at one.  9 at another.  20 at another.  bodies in the theater.  i sat in disbelief.  the count was around 40 shot. unreal. (currently the count is: 71 total shot, 12 dead)

photo via

this morning i woke up to a buncha of texts wondering if i was okay (thanks, by the way).  yup, i'm fine.  physically.  but, if i'm honest, emotionally...i'm kinda struggling.

as i've thought about it, i've realized that i'm struggling because this is such a tragic event...that hits in my backyard...again.  10+ years ago i sat in an aurora high school classroom when i heard about columbine.  like then, i don't have a personal connection with anyone who was shot (that i know of anyways...victim names haven't been released yet).   i know a couple of the fire/cops who showed up (to both)...know a couple people who were in the theater or library...but it doesn't really affect me personally.

but it's still hard to hear about.  it affects me.  it affects us.
perhaps it's because i'm forced to face reality: this is a jacked up world we live in.  violence, murder, death.   there's no way to explain it.

or maybe it's a sense of helplessness.  i want so badly to do something, to help someone.  but, honestly, there's nothing i can really do.

maybe it's something else.  honestly, i'm not sure, there's just a lotta confusion.  and that's normal.

but i've come to this: prayer.  i've been praying for everyone i can think of: victims, family members, friends, first responders, others who are feeling the way i am (just heavy)...and for the suspect and his family and friends.  we all need the grace of god right now.  for real.

it's been quite the summer here in colorado: two murdered cops, wildfires, and now this.  please say a prayer for our beautiful state.  we need it.

much love.

##update, 7/21##

news of more victims are coming out.  i don't have any direct relationship with any of them...but lots of friends do.  so sad.

if i'm honest: watching the 24 hour news coverage of the shootings is like an addiction.  i don't wanna watch but find myself captivated by it.  i've literally had to make the decision to turn the TV off (or turn on friday night lights, haha)...and get back into "normal" life routines.

check back tomorrow...i'll be posting a blog about what i learned as a cop from columbine, platte canyon, and the theater.  in the mean time, hug a first responder.

##update 7/22##
decided not to publish the blog on past shootings, felt uneasy about it. ml.