another heartbreaking phone call

"hey danny...we need your help."  

it's the broken voice of a friend through tears.

i'd like to say that this is the first time i've received this call.  but, unfortunately, it's not.  it's another family torn apart by the grips of addiction.

this time it was a young man who was drunk and in jail.

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a few months ago it was a friend fighting a drug addiction.

a few months before that, a woman in jail on drug charges.

the common theme of all these family members and friends is this: what can i do?  how do i help them?

and, unfortunately, my answer is...you can't.  they have to want change.  it's hard to say that to people i care about.  they basically just have to "let go" of their loved one and hope (maybe even pray) that he/she will eventually hit "rock bottom" and desire change.  desire to quit.  desire to get sober.  desire to get clean.

if i've learned one thing in my life...it's that we all have the ability to change.  we all have the ability to turn our life around...and in my experience, it's best done through a loving relationship with god.

unfortunately, though, a lot of us have to go through some really painful things to get healthy and change. but “certain suffering tears down aspects of our character that need to be torn down and builds up new aspects that we need in order to live as we were designed to live" (cloud and townsend, how people grow).

i'm not an expert, but that's what it took in my life.  pain.  suffering.  rock bottom.

granted, my story is a little different: most didn't know i was struggling as much as i was struggling with the booze...but i tried to get help, i went to doctors, i went to group therapy, i took medication, i went to counselors...none of it made a long lasting difference until i finally hit rock bottom and made a decision: i needed help.  i wanted help.  i wanted a different life.

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and let me tell you, rock bottom, is a horrible spot to be in.  but at the same time, it's the best spot to be in.  

it's horrible because i was 25, staring up the rock-face of a mountain called sobriety.  i thought there was no way i could even muster the strength to take one or two steps up the mountain...there was absolutely no way in the world i could stay sober for the rest of my life.  i was too young.

but rock bottom is the best place to be in because you can't get any lower.  and because i took one step...and then another...and another.  and here i am today, looking back down the mountain (though still far from the summit)...looking back at the mess i used to be...and, by god's grace, i stand here today grateful, humble, and sober.

for those of you reading who struggle with addictions: may you quit fighting those who you love so much...namely god...and take a small step up that mountain.  it's beyond worth it.  the view up there is far better then where you're at right now.  and may you have the courage to do it before you hit rock bottom.

and for those reading who have a loved one(s) struggling with addiction: may you have the courage to love...the courage to let go...and the courage to trust.

much love.